Alicia and Sianneh

Meet Alicia. She is courageous, trustworthy and funny. She is never afraid to speak up for herself and what she believes is right. She is the friend who will have your back, no matter what and will fight for you until the end. She is also always there if you need a good laugh. Alicia will attend American University next year.

Meet Sianneh. She is sweet, honest and a serious reader. Her kindness extends to everyone, those she knows and those she doesn’t. You will always feel included in her presence. She’ll even laugh at your corny jokes. But she’ll still be truthful with you, like a real friend should. Also, name any book. Sianneh has probably read it. Sianneh will attend Ursinus College in the fall.

This is Alicia and Sianneh’s story of how they learned to grow into their skin color and what they wish they could tell their younger selves.

Family

Sianneh: My mom had brown skin and I thought it was beautiful. But one day, I saw her come in and she looked so light. We didn’t say anything about it until years later when her skin started evening out. I still feel like she’s low key using skin lightening creams. My family and I were so surprised. When you compare our mom in our baby photos and today, it’s crazy. Seeing her use the creams opened up a whole new world for me. I learned how in Africa, skin lightening is a really big business. It sends a really toxic message and it’s also very bad for your skin. You’re stripping your skin of its natural state with chemicals. Once you start using it, you can’t stop or else your skin will start peeling. It makes me so sad. Her skin was totally fine. Still, she went to go lighten her skin and do something very dangerous. She didn’t even realize she was sending me a message, that having dark skin is not something that can appreciated. Every time I think about it, I get so sad. There’s no need to be doing all that and wasting your money, when you’re completely fine without it.

Rifah: Have you ever confronted your mom about this?

Sianneh: I have but she’s denied it. Maybe now she doesn’t use it. But I remember seeing it in her room and she’d tell me not to use it because it's specially for her. It’s still in the house! I notice whenever she gets tan, she uses it. I need to actually have a talk with her. But because of work and stuff…

Rifah: Life gets busy and we forgot how important these little things are.

Sianneh: Yeah. I don’t want to be like that if I have kids. If they want to stay outside, stay outside! It’s fine. I’m not going to tolerate “you’re getting a little dark.” So? Go outside and frolic or do whatever kids will do. Just don’t look at your skin and say I’m not beautiful. That is a lie. That’s the type of self hatred I don’t want them to deal with. The process of learning to re-love yourself is really tough. I had to go through that and life is already hard as it is. This doesn’t need to get added on.

Alicia: I was raised by my mother. My mom used to have really long hair and now she’s cut it and it’s pretty short. I asked her what changed and what made her want to cut it after so many years. She said that having kids and going through a divorce and just going through life inspired the change. It didn’t make me feel good or bad. But this conversation left a certain feeling with me. It was a reminder that I should put myself first and care for who I am. It made me realize I should always love myself, regardless of who loves me. Noticing how my mom has embraced her short her, something she’s always hated, and even seeing her want to cut it some more. It’s been a reminder to always love myself and the decisions that I’m making because it is my life.

Models, Makeup and Media

Sianneh: Definitely when it comes to models and makeup, I can feel left out. I cannot find any sort of foundation that fits my skin color without making me look chalk white or ashy. It’s just so hard. When they [brand] think about diversity, they biracial or as close to light as dark gets.

Rifah: Basically dark with european features.

Sianneh: Exactly. Here’s a black girl. Alright, she is black but she’s still light enough to kind of pass for white. I want to see more black girls like Lupita Nyong’o. When I saw her, in that beautiful blue dress at the Oscars, I was so happy. That’s what I want to see. That color skin is still beautiful. We need to see more diversity so little girls can see that being light skin is not what they have to have in order to be beautiful. It’s important for them to see themselves on the front page. We’re leaning towards it slowly. We see black girls but only for like two seconds…

Rifah: Then back to white.

Sianneh: Exactly. So we need to do more.

Alicia: There are always those advertisements with a couple of darker skinned girls in the back and labeled as diversity. These brands make one specialized formula of a darker foundation and they think that’s going to solve every black girl’s problem. Every black girl isn’t the same.

Sianneh: We’re all different and we need to be included just as much.

Alicia: I don’t know if everyone here knows who Little Kim is…

All: Yes!

Alicia: Well she’s a rapper. She did a whole 360 times two. I remember seeing pictures of her and listening to her music and watching her videos. I remember noticing her skin which was so brown and I always thought she was pretty. A couple years later, I saw a picture of her and she was four shades lighter. I was so confused. She changed her entire appearance. While that’s her own choice, that definitely had an impact on girls like myself. Girls who love her complexion and her curls. It made us wonder what happened.

Rifah: And they think that maybe I should too?

Alicia: Yeah. This is a prominent rap artist and she’s lightened her skin. If you’ve been hearing for a while now lighter is prettier, the lighter you are the better chance you have of getting this, that or the third or just better treatment. I’ve even noticed that with having a light skinned best friend and it is just crazy. I don’t know...I’ve always wondered what made Little Kim do that. Is this an exact example of being lighter means your better? I don’t know.

Rifah: Isn’t that a shame? She’s overqualified to be a rappe. She’s just amazing and talented and beautiful. She has success coming out of every single pocket she has. But she still feels the need to lighten her skin. That says so much to me about women of color and how even when you’re perfect, you’re not.

Alicia: You still don’t feel good enough. It makes me frustrated. What makes someone go to that extreme of just seeing everyone else that isn’t like you and saying that’s so much better. I have to change myself to join that. That is what terrifies me and scares me the most about being a black female, always feeling like I have to change myself.

Rifah: Even when you do have a role model, they feel the need to change themselves or somebody changes them.

What We Want

Sianneh: Representation matters. When children are forced to see a single type of image and they don’t fit into that image, they instantly see the message. They believe that they can’t become what they see in the media. Comments like ‘you’re pretty for a dark skinned girl’ needs to stop. People need to check themselves and what they say. Growing up, I only had white barbies but now there are many more skin tones and hair types. I wish I had that growing up. As soon as you embrace your skin color, you also embrace your heritage. I have two immigrant parents who are from Africa and back then there was a lot more hated towards people from there. I’ve been called “African booty scratcher” or “monkey” from people who looked just like me and had ancestors that came from that exact place! As I’m seeing more love for skin color, I’m also seeing more love for one’s motherland. A lot of people are finally starting to love themselves and I think that’s great that people are taking charge of who they are. Things are starting to change but I wish it was faster.

Alicia: For me, it’s important to have specified ethnic student unions. Black, Latino, Asian American (etc.) student unions. Everyone wants to be included. During college visits, I knew that I wanted to join Black Student Union. As I learned more about it, I found out that it’s an organization meant and built on the premise of supporting black brothers and sisters, but also educating and helping them. It’s not only to protest and stand up for what’s right but also fundraise, build community through celebration and to learn about each other. It’s so necessary. There’s even one at our school now. After seeing its success, other ethnic groups have emerged which is incredible. I just think that’s something that’s so important to build community and education and knowing that I’m not alone. Often, it’s easy to feel in the background, especially during college. A student union is a perfect way to make friends, learn things and share information.

Dear Little Alicia and Sianneh

Sianneh: I would tell myself that black is beautiful. Stay outside as long as you want! Every time somebody comments on how dark you’re getting, just tell them the sun was just really loving you that day. You’re beautiful. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Your skin is beautiful. Once you realize that, it doesn’t matter who loves you. You will find the right people who love you too. Self love is very important.

Alicia: I’ve always had a supportive family but never truly loved myself growing up. I always thought I was too white, too articulate, my hair isn’t black enough. I felt alienated. I always kept that mindset and it really stuck to me. I would go back and tell myself, knowing what I do after going through hardships with learning experience, boys, friends and family history, that I am enough. Whatever you were given by God, he makes no mistakes. It’s yours for a reason. It is something that should be loved, appreciated and embrace. Never let it get far away from you. Never let the bad days take over the good ones. Don’t let the burdens of social stereotypes get to you. Appreciate who you are, what color you are, what curls you have and be happy. I would tell myself to play some music, dance around and look at yourself in the mirror because you are beautiful, black and lovely.